To love is to die
by Slytherin snakes
Summary: Draco tries to come to terms with the death of his lover. Crap summary but please read any way and don't forget to review.


I loved him every day ever since I met him. I was always supposed to hate him but how can anyone hate anything so pure as him.  
  
Our saviour, our hero, my everything. I don't think it is possible for a love to reach greater heights than yours did.  
  
I never realised I loved him this much, you never actually realise how much you love someone until gone I guess, it's the natural order of things.  
  
Looking back upon our time together I wish I could have told him how I felt more often. In fact I don't even think he knew.  
  
He was always an open book when it came to his feelings, open for everybody to read. No matter how many times he was hurt. That was the reason I feel for him in the first place.  
  
I wanted nothing more than to protect his vulnerable heart against those who wished to hurt it, especially the Dark Lord.  
  
He never knew that and now he never will. I sometimes wish that I could have left this world with him, gone to a better place to be with him forever.  
  
When I sleep, which is rare nowadays, I dream of all the time we spent together as youths. Playing quiditch, talking, kissing, and just being with each other.  
  
They were the happiest days of my life, nothing will ever change that. I remember that he hated me because that was the emotion I was meant to show to him.  
  
However feelings change and develop as we grow and that is how it started with us, as usual we were serving detention with Filch the caretaker.  
  
Our eyes kept meeting across the room as he polished trophies and I scrubbed the floor free of dirt.  
  
His deep emerald orbs, the ones I so frequently got lost in kept watching me as I worked.  
  
I didn't mind, in fact I thrived in the attention he gave me. It was actually the first time we'd been without our friends for years.  
  
We didn't have to pretend here, not in this darkened room away from prying eyes and ears. Filch wasn't around he was of course prowling the school for students out of bed.  
  
How I wanted to admit my feelings right there but no, after all what good would it have done, he would have thrown it back in my face.  
  
So another opportunity past, but that night I had seen something more than hate in his brilliant green orbs, something beyond our petty fights and duels. It was something other than hate.  
  
It puzzled me, could he feel the same? No I told myself, I would never be good enough, my name may mean pride, wealth and power but he needed none of that and got more respect than my family ever would.  
  
Who would be surprised, we were feared, the followers of Lord Voldermort not respected. However I never became a deatheater much to the displeasure of my good for nothing father.  
  
Oh how I loathed him. The one man that caused me hurt and pain. He saved me from him, rescued me when I believed no one could.  
  
I suppose I have always loved him. Not just for his bravery and his courage but for his pure heart. Even after so much pain and suffering he gave his heart to me willingly.  
  
He trusted me, believed that I would not hurt him, or betray him and he was right I couldn't. Not even when He-who-must-not-be-named asked it of me.  
  
I suffered for him that night. I didn't hold it against my love, instead I let him comfort me in the hospital wing after I had been healed.  
  
I guess this is my final good bye to him. A plea that I will finally be able to let him go. It has been at least a year since his death and I have never forgotten his angelic features or the touch of his silky skin nor his piercing emerald eyes.  
  
No, his physical presence may have gone on but he still remains in my heart, my mind and my body. No one can take that away from me.  
  
However even now I think that he will walk through the door and it would have all been a huge joke. I have come to terms with the fact that that will never happen.  
  
I still feel his presence in a room or faintly smell his scent and I know he's close. I know he's watching over me and this comforts me.  
  
My existence seems pointless with out him by my side, I have tried to live on in this cruel world but it can't be done. There is no world with out his perfection.  
  
I thought putting my emotions down on paper would help me come to terms with the fact that Harry is gone and will never come back but instead it has made me see what I must do.  
  
Tonight I will be with him again, we will be together forever as one would out it. For an eternity, because that is how long true love lasts. 


End file.
